from the gut

How does one find themselves on the beginning of a weight loss journey?

How does one do this yet again, after having already lost and gained over 50 lbs in her young adulthood?

It's a bittersweet mindset. I know how to get into a healthier weight- I've done it before. And yet...

I'm all too wise on how easy I let it come back. All too wise to the slippery slope of gaining it back because it was easier than not.

But its not easy to gain weight back. Not when I intellectually know there was a point where I wasn't ashamed of showing my bare arms. Not when I remember weighing less than my lovers. Not when I remember the joy of simply buying clothes instead of hiding in clothes that were way to difficult to be happy with.

We know it goes beyond simply eating food. My simple mouse brain sees food as a pleasure-pellet, an integral part of my limbic reward system. This is just one part of how I need to make this stick for life.

One step forward, hoping this simple act of blogging it will help catch me if I should fall.